A year end retrospective.... and a funny about Err getting told...

I spent the day with WM yesterday. With the holidays at her shop, she only winds up having one day a week off (good thing she's in awesome shape)and I wind up with many weeks of no days off. One of the reasons I work at the shop is to get to spend some time with her. And time working retail at Christmas...is way better than no time at all (and friends.. this should tell you A LOT about how special this lady is).

****And can I just say... and this is totally unrelated.... that my mama is the ONLY person on the planet who can reduce my imightjustwhoopyourass self to a stuttering 12 year old. Having had my fill of entitled Chanel bag carrying* women who pushed past me and walked into me, I turned around and told some woman that I was NOT holding the door for her and I sure wasn't holding it for her so she could light up a smoke in my face. My mother dressed me down and handed me a serving of home training right there in front of everyone like I was 8. Something along the lines of 'just because she had no manners doesn't mean YOU can act like you don't....' Left me stammering about, "mama...ok mama...jeeze mama...."
heh.****


Anyway. We always have good talks. This time, one of our talks centered on one of her friends. This woman lost her parents at early ages, lost her husband in his early thirties and has remained single. But she's got a really good job for a high school grad from my neighborhood, and by staying on that grind, she's been able to pay off her house (in a much lower crime, high rent-type district). However, this is one of the most unhappy people I've ever met. Instead of being grateful that she's able to support herself, keep her home, etc she always bitterly reminds you that she's worked for every bit of it. No body helped her. She's bitter that my mom has a husband. (although she doesn't want to re-marry...which i get) She's bitter that she has a daughter (although she doesn't want children...which i also get). She's even more bitter about the way that we dote on my mom, the fancy presents we buy her, how we make time to go places with her. She's bitter about the lack of activities in her life, but she doesn't want to make friends because she doesn't like a lot of people. You get the idea, I'm sure.

I told my mom, "I think she's just made up her mind she's going to be unhappy."
And isn't that a sad state of affairs?

It got me thinking about my own life and my own choices and the people I choose to spend my time with.

Its no secret that I go to great length to weed out the bullshit from my life. Its not difficult for me to just walk away from people and spaces that aren't working for me. Often, these spaces might be positive for others, but not for me. I'm into how people talk. How they use language to position themselves (I understand I might be a little hypercritical about such things, but its what I do...and doesn't someone need to be a little overly sensitive if the vast majority takes their words for granted?). If I don't like what I hear, I bounce. I don't want to spend my time being continually put off by what I hear. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone/every space I leave behind or frequent less is bad. But there is only so much free time in my life. I want to spend it in the best spaces possible.

This philosophy of my life makes me think about the people I do choose to spend my time around. WM decided she wanted a better life than her family was providing. She couldn't do this with those people in her life. So she bounced. In that family, you either play by their rules or you're out. She chose out instead of standing on the porch breaking up fights (which often involve guns) and hiding jewelry when family comes to visit. I can respect this.

Many of my close friends live by similar philosophies. Not that they regularly see family members on the news... :) but they've decided to live happy lives. They've decided to examine their lives and their decisions and try to make decisions that lead to a happy life. They choose to be happy. They choose to be work toward happiness. This doesn't mean that there aren't speed bumps. But they recognize the good things and try to weed out the stupid ones. They weigh the good and the bad. They ask for other perspectives on life. While they may make a totally different or even decisions they regret, they've made a decision instead of just letting life happen to them. Very often they may not even be sure what path or end they want to work towards, but they know that they're active agents in their lives and they think about who they are, who they want to be and how to be happy. And I love them for this.

You friends, know who you are. Here's to a great New Year and finding a great path.

*I have no problem with Chanel...its my favorite perfume. I'm just trying to give you a Paris Hilton wanna-be kind of visual.