Have a great day, asshole

Have you ever worked retail?
At Christmas?

I've been let out of the back room of WM's store. I was kept there for nearly 4 years, not allowed to work anywhere near the customers. It seems, I was a bit burned out. Maybe a lot burned out after 10 years of retail hell. There is something about women buying things for their house (and particularly buying a lot of it....however they define a lot) that makes them think they own you. Some don't own you, but rather take some kind of sick high school popularity mean girls pleasure in thinking they have some intimate personal friendship relationship with you. Neither of these sits particularly well with me. I see them as major flaws of character and person. However, I have a vested interest in the well being of my mom's business pursuits, and it not getting smacked (cuz my mother does that). So I treat most customers the same and am friendly and helpful and efficient.

My mom reached the conclusion that perhaps I needed a break when she began to build a new building. Her store was originally located in a 100 + year old farm house. She used the lot, which was over an acre to build a 4,000 square foot store. The old house still remains, but the garage built in the 70's had to come down.
Somewhere around the time of her remodel, I was in year 2 of my last round of school. My stress level was through the roof. It seemed my tolerance with women who found my mother's shop the cool store at the mall (hypothetically speaking), had run out.
My mom was sensing this very clearly (what with her Spidey-mom sense and all) and was proven right when this even took place.
Lady with no life: Oh my gosh!!! The garage outside is gone!!! What happened to it? (Less than slick way of asking what we were doing construction-wise... because of the remaining construction debris it was clear that it had been torn down).
Clerk with no home training (me): Beats me. We came in today and that sucker was just gone.
I got put on, um, sabbatical.
I'm not sure that I want to be back or if I would be allowed back if WM weren't so pressed for workers who were.... alive. Really people, I don't know why the hell people think that when you drive to your job it is called, 'going to work.' But here we are. Me, at 33 years of age, being reminded every weekend, to mind my manners.
But its hard people. Especially at the holidays. So if you've never worked retail in the holidays here are some tips:
1. All sales final means all sales final. Not all sales final for everyone but you. We aren't Walmart people.
2. Do. No. Tap your fucking fake finger nails at me while I ring in your sale. I am going as fast as I can, we are still faster than Walmart, and if the girl ringing you out is 6 feet tall, with red hair and ghetto hoops...she is totally thinking about kicking your ass. That's just rude.
3. No. I will not take your gum and put it in the trash. Nor your kids gum.
Leave your pop in the car, douche bags.
4. If you break it... say you broke it. Don't say, 'I think this was like this already' see the part about the tall red head.
5. If I quote you a price on something, don't loudly repeat it incredulously. That's tacky. Just say thank you and talk to your girlfriends about it in the car later.
6. If you're at a small store... do not (and I repeat do not) talk about how to make the stuff they have. You look like an ass. Be original. If you're so damn talented, then come up with your own ideas. And oh yeah. That redhead....
7. Heaven help you if the red head mentioned above catches you taking pictures or just as bad...shoplifting. You'll wish I called the cops.
8. Yes. Our Christmas trees are pretty. Yes. I could do it professionally. No I am not for hire. I know you would pay me. I have been to school for ten years. Unless you made me hot chocolate and toast on cold mornings and chicken soup when I was sick.... you can't afford to have me decorate your motherfucking tree.
9. If I say you can't take down my display. That means no. Not let me argue with you about it for ten minutes.

So far, I've been on my very best behavior. It would help if more people read my blog....