Update time.... I know its lame... but its what I've got

Wow.
I knew I hadn't blogged in a long time, but I didn't realize its been THIS long. I suck.
Actually, I've just been insanely busy. I know, I know. You're thinking to yourself, but Err... You're always busy. I know, right. But recently (like since the first of the year) I've been too busy. Even by my insane standards.
Teaching everyday, training for another half, teaching university classes 2 nights a week, dog training once a week, working for WM every other Saturday, yoga once a week, puppy walks as often as possible, parent teacher conferences last week and this week, staff meetings, and trying to remember I'm married and have friends.
Gah.
It has caught up with me, folks. I am in bed, sick. In a few weeks, it will all slow down to a comparative crawl. I can't wait.
In the mean time, here's whats good.

My dogs are the smartest in dog school. I'd like to do some more classes with them, not because I want them to do anything. Just because they really like learning, it bonds them to me, and I've found out, working dogs, like to work. Its also worth noting that working dogs will work whether you give them a job or not. If I don't give them jobs, they will continue to make up work of their own like finding sticks (from Godknowswhere) open doors to the house, and eat dirt.


I really like teaching classes at the university. This is weird, because typically, I don't particularly enjoy time with privileged, young, white women. This can get particularly hairy when you ask them to deconstruct this privilege so they don't put their worldview on future students. However, the class is doing a nice job. Its insane to go from 30 7th grades at 2:50 to as many twenty somethings at 4:00.

Fixing dinner on Sunday is one of the best ideas I've ever had. I now also fix breakfast and lunch to take to work. I'm going to continue doing this after things slow down. It saves so much time for things like puppy walks, yoga, and runs after work.

I had a whole talk with a dad at parent teacher conferences this week about how 'ya know ya mama's crazy?' and how our moms still smack us. Some one else's little sister (5yo) came in and when her mother said, "ohhh girl, I love that red hair" she answered, "yeah, you got some pretty little curly hair." I love my job.

Speaking of... I really hope I don't loose my job this year. I'd like to make this school my home. A kid from last year came to see his sister get an award this week. He sat with me and we talked during the awards (yeah, I'm a bad role model). He told me that his sister didn't have me but knew me (I already knew this because she brought me cookies at Christmas). His exact words were, "Everybody know Mama Smith..." The levy is in May. Keep your fingers crossed.

I had a VO2max test yesterday. Its the first time I've ever been aware of my lungs. It hurt. I hope that if I am having asthma issues.... that we get them handled. I wonder how much easier it would be to run if I could breath.....

Did you really think I'd let this go by? OR For my coffee bringing friend

I waited a while to post this. In part, because I didn't have time. In part, too because it choked me up.

Most of us watched the inauguration. Most of you who read this blog are good liberals. You know the liberal rhetoric and ways. Um, because clearly if you weren't, you wouldn't enjoy THIS blog.... There were lots of lovely blog posts about hope and change and how this man has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Many posts hinting to frustration with the Bush years and how its been a long 8 years of waiting.

But for some of us bloggers and citizens, its been generations of wait.

Many of you got the following message from me at noon on that Tuesday: Today was good day in Mama Err's class.

And Lord, was it ever.

My school doesn't have cable. We have limited TVs, only a few LCDs and the computer network (not to mention my old ass computer in my room) has firewalls the prevent me from looking up much school related stuff... no lie, it filters out anything that says art. I managed to snag an LCD, found a live feed that the filter would work on my network (because it filtered out CNN, fercryinoutloud). And I blew off my very serious schedule of Ancient Civilizations... for the rest of the week. I had Teaching Tolerance segregation and racism lessons for the week. And I had access to the inauguration.

My dear friend asked, in response to my text, if my students got it. And that was totally a fair question. My reading class is currently reading the Jim Crow era story The Gold Cadillac and we had to have a serious discussion about how slavery and Cadillac were not the same time frame. GAH.

For months, these kids have had pictures of Obama taped to their ID badges, their notebooks, and in their lockers. They've given up their GUnit sweat shirts for sweat shirts with Obama's face and words. They wear Obama hats when its cold. They stop talking and for once hear me when I tell them how not only have I waited my whole life, and my mom hers, but her dad his to vote for someone new. Their folks, grandfolks, aunts and uncles have waited too. They tell me how their dad cried on election day. And I've met their dad, with neck tattoos, braids, and Timberlands. They asked how long I waited to vote and slap me five when I tell them two hours, before sun up, in jiggly cold. Even though I never did tell them who I voted for.

That day we watched the inauguration and not only did they get the historical event they were seeing, they got how much trouble I went to so they could watch in live time. And with my voice a little choked up I told them, "there it is babies.... remember where you were when you saw it."

And on the way out, one of my boys looked at me and stood up tall and proud. "We did it big today, Mama."

Yes we did, baby. Yes we did.

*********one little turd did fall asleep****** but I totally made him call his dad just to let him know he fell asleep during President Obama's inauguration. Heh***********

My running and a moral crisis averted

Its a snowy Sunday here in my part of Ohio. Or as my number one tortilla brother likes to call it, The Big O.
heh.
I did my recovery run from my long run today. I don't know why, but those always way take it out of me. I also don't know why I don't blog about my running more. Maybe because I totally suck at it. But whatever. There is something about officially training (where I have long runs and recovery runs and weekday runs and speed work outs that aren't that damn speedy instead of 'meh....i've got time...i could run today' runs) that sort of takes it out of you mentally, too. I dunno. Maybe like how when you know you're going to have a long hard day at work, you start the day out tired. Now the runs are short and easy. But you know that in 3 weeks or so, they'll be around 7 miles and then a few weeks after that, you'll begin to think of 7 as an easy long run day.
And you'll hope to God that once they get up to ten you don't forget your i-pod because singing the jingle for the Good Feet Store for 2 hours (which is totally how long it takes me to run ten miles) sucks. And for the last 3 miles of "back to doin' what i love and more....thanks to the good feet store...." over and over again, you're totally thinking about going to The Good Feet store and shoving their good feets insert thingies right up their good asses for writing such a catchy damn jingle.
But anyway. Now the runs are pretty easy and I'm damn thankful because it is, as I said, its snowy here and that means running on the treadmill to a DVRed Sucka Free Countdown from a couple weeks ago. Jadakis was on it and I like his new video. So there. But as long as I'm in the basement, stretching my cursed hips (that are cool 'cuz they create the dip that hood rat boys have always liked...but suck balls because it makes distance running problematic) I think its time to start strength training too. I know the cross training will help my half marathon training and maybe help me avoid walking like Fred Sanford for the week following my race.
Butohyeahstoopid. Recovery day always takes it out of you. And apparently, squats on the jiggly ball and upper body stuffs do too.
And now instead of accomplishing anything of worth I am sitting on the bed with my electric blanket reading my new most favorite blog of a stranger, trying to get a sleeping LD off my foot, and listening to the football game that TB is watching and saying, 'ow, ow, ow' every time I move.
But suddenly, in a Supernatural Dean Winchester should totally come save me from a ghost tv and maybe take me for some angry lovin' and cheese burgers way, the tv changed itself. I dunno why. Its new and I can't for the fuckin life of me, work it. Either way, Dean-o should investigate (my underwear).
What is more problematic about this change of television channel is that instead of football (totally acceptable background noise) it was on some damn Emo* whiny boy music and gymnastics.
Oh fuck no.
I may be a tree hugger and have many many recycle bins.
I may be Dr. Err at school.
I may be a distance runner with wicking shirts and ugly shoes that cost as much as pair of Jordans.
I may be really super totally excited about joining the Community Supported Agriculture Co Op this year.
I may say 'super totally excited.'
But over my dead dirty girl pirate hooker tattooed body will I listen to You're Beautiful and watch some little damn blonde fling herself around. Fuck no. I'm not havin' it.
Now.
The afternoon gets hairy and scary when I try to find something else.
I get all the way to the 300's and still nothing cooler on the tv.
Until I see Smoky and the Bandit.
Awesome.
But its on the County Music Station.
Now.
You wanna talk about a moral dilemma??? My tv has NEVER been on CMT. I very carefully click on BET so that I don't accidentally click on CMT. I thought my head was going to blow off and confetti was going to spew from my neck.
Good thing TB came in and changed it back to football.
Phew.
* um. i don't actually know what EMO music is... but I know that its whiny shit and it makes boys wear their pants too tight (no wonder they're angsty)and need hair cuts. I just hated this music.

Nothing insightful to see, folks....

I feel like I should post something.

Something.


Man. I am SO my dad's kid.

I hope I never loose that... the idea that I am a kid.
***********************************************************************
There's a whole lot of nothing going on in my world. I'm working a lot. Regular teaching schedule that is compounded by my 27 miles each way to work. And no lie, I like my drive time. Its about the only time during the day I get to sit in the same spot and chill. Though, I'm often resentful about the time it takes away from doing something.

I'm teaching 2 nights a week at the university. I enjoy the work and while I don't know that anyone will leave a critical theorist (and really, they hate me a little for pushing them to examine their half of the dialog as educators.... because the work is hard and I push harder) I hope they will gain at least a little insight. Its helpful, when you push so hard, to be a little funny . The laughs I get as I throw around deep theory in a real way help releases some of the tension I create as white middle class females examine their privilege.

In between these 2 classes, a third night is spent with LD in training. We bring WD, too because my trainer recommends it. Its a whole pack thing. Plus, WD has issues and having him walk past people in those tight quarters without eating anyone's face is good practice for ya know...not eating anyone's face. TB works LD because I know I'll do all the practice at home. I forever will be the lead dog here. And besides. WD really will only work for me. No matter who has his leash, I'm like his Tupac... all eyes on me. He's smart and I think we're a good pair. I know he knows he's good at the training and I can tell he's proud to show it in front of the other dogs and people. Both my dogs got the hairy eyeball from most of the participants. Big scary mixed breeds, all three of us... Except this real cool down to earth race car driving couple who have a young German Shepherd who's mostly black like JC's. He's maybe 5 months old and already trying to balance his need to play with my dogs and his need to be cool.

By Thursday nights, people. I'm laid out.

I've been cooking my meals on Sunday. A crock pot joint for Monday and Tuesday and some kind of casserole or something for W T. Not having to cook through the week has helped me keep up this pace.

Speaking of pace....
I also started training for a half marathon in the spring. I don't know which one yet and I suppose it will all depend on my training... and my hip. I'm trying to be more diligent in my stretching and strengthening. And that reminds me. I need to call the yoga studio. Cuz I don't have enough to do on Sunday afternoons....

Its been snowy, icy, and below zero here recently. I miss running outside. I REALLY miss walking with my dogs every day. Between my running and walking them, I spend a couple hours outside every weekday and nearly 3 hours on weekends. Apparently, I actually am a little hyper (though I insist I am not a spaz) because I'm crawling the walls. Again, I am so my dad's kid what with the spring fever, need to play outside in the fresh air and lead foot (that last one I just thew in for poetic rhythm or something).

I'm sleeping a little better which is a gift from God, people. Turns out my adrenal gland and thyroid were under performing and my sleep rhythms were off and I dunno... I needed a tune up. I've got one of those old lady pill things (which makes me feel like an old lady) and I don't even care. To lay down and go to sleep is amazing and foreign. I remember laying awake as a toddler, never really sleeping...just dozing. The rub is that if I wake up... I'm awake. Earlier this week I woke up at 12:58 and never did go back to sleep. But I got totally caught up on Real Housewives of Orange County (I totally can't wait for Atlanta to come back on) and I watched a fascinating documentary on polygamist. I remain afraid of Utah.

In other news, I told my class last week (as we were studying the impact of Christianity on the fall of Rome) that Christianity was like a TV spin off of Judaism. Like I Love New York was a spin off from Flavor of Love. Clearly, I have no business around children....

From the Mouths of Babes

My god daughter is five. She's been coming to spend the night with me since she was 3. I try to have her out each season. We always have plans for what we want to do, but usually, she just wants to play with WD (and now LD). Man, its like a whole love fest at my house. Forty pounds of kid, and 130 pounds of dog and lots of kisses. We were having lunch together on the way to our house New Year's Eve and talking about the tinker toys we got her for Christmas. It led to a discussion of what she might be when she grew up. An engineer who builds things, a dog doctor, a teacher, a Dr. Err (this name, by the way, is from this child and was given to me at my graduation). When given the option of being a Dr. Err like Auntie, she responded, "but I don't want to be white when I grow up."
I'm not entirely sure I've ever laughed so loud.
WM asked her later, 'what makes you think Auntie is white?'
GD responded, 'she's white like my dad.'
Which is sortof kindof true, given that he's not white either, but is can visibly identify with being something else.
It only got funnier when she told WM how Uncle TB is REALLY white.
Yeah.
I've been saying that for years, kid.

A year end retrospective.... and a funny about Err getting told...

I spent the day with WM yesterday. With the holidays at her shop, she only winds up having one day a week off (good thing she's in awesome shape)and I wind up with many weeks of no days off. One of the reasons I work at the shop is to get to spend some time with her. And time working retail at Christmas...is way better than no time at all (and friends.. this should tell you A LOT about how special this lady is).

****And can I just say... and this is totally unrelated.... that my mama is the ONLY person on the planet who can reduce my imightjustwhoopyourass self to a stuttering 12 year old. Having had my fill of entitled Chanel bag carrying* women who pushed past me and walked into me, I turned around and told some woman that I was NOT holding the door for her and I sure wasn't holding it for her so she could light up a smoke in my face. My mother dressed me down and handed me a serving of home training right there in front of everyone like I was 8. Something along the lines of 'just because she had no manners doesn't mean YOU can act like you don't....' Left me stammering about, "mama...ok mama...jeeze mama...."
heh.****


Anyway. We always have good talks. This time, one of our talks centered on one of her friends. This woman lost her parents at early ages, lost her husband in his early thirties and has remained single. But she's got a really good job for a high school grad from my neighborhood, and by staying on that grind, she's been able to pay off her house (in a much lower crime, high rent-type district). However, this is one of the most unhappy people I've ever met. Instead of being grateful that she's able to support herself, keep her home, etc she always bitterly reminds you that she's worked for every bit of it. No body helped her. She's bitter that my mom has a husband. (although she doesn't want to re-marry...which i get) She's bitter that she has a daughter (although she doesn't want children...which i also get). She's even more bitter about the way that we dote on my mom, the fancy presents we buy her, how we make time to go places with her. She's bitter about the lack of activities in her life, but she doesn't want to make friends because she doesn't like a lot of people. You get the idea, I'm sure.

I told my mom, "I think she's just made up her mind she's going to be unhappy."
And isn't that a sad state of affairs?

It got me thinking about my own life and my own choices and the people I choose to spend my time with.

Its no secret that I go to great length to weed out the bullshit from my life. Its not difficult for me to just walk away from people and spaces that aren't working for me. Often, these spaces might be positive for others, but not for me. I'm into how people talk. How they use language to position themselves (I understand I might be a little hypercritical about such things, but its what I do...and doesn't someone need to be a little overly sensitive if the vast majority takes their words for granted?). If I don't like what I hear, I bounce. I don't want to spend my time being continually put off by what I hear. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone/every space I leave behind or frequent less is bad. But there is only so much free time in my life. I want to spend it in the best spaces possible.

This philosophy of my life makes me think about the people I do choose to spend my time around. WM decided she wanted a better life than her family was providing. She couldn't do this with those people in her life. So she bounced. In that family, you either play by their rules or you're out. She chose out instead of standing on the porch breaking up fights (which often involve guns) and hiding jewelry when family comes to visit. I can respect this.

Many of my close friends live by similar philosophies. Not that they regularly see family members on the news... :) but they've decided to live happy lives. They've decided to examine their lives and their decisions and try to make decisions that lead to a happy life. They choose to be happy. They choose to be work toward happiness. This doesn't mean that there aren't speed bumps. But they recognize the good things and try to weed out the stupid ones. They weigh the good and the bad. They ask for other perspectives on life. While they may make a totally different or even decisions they regret, they've made a decision instead of just letting life happen to them. Very often they may not even be sure what path or end they want to work towards, but they know that they're active agents in their lives and they think about who they are, who they want to be and how to be happy. And I love them for this.

You friends, know who you are. Here's to a great New Year and finding a great path.

*I have no problem with Chanel...its my favorite perfume. I'm just trying to give you a Paris Hilton wanna-be kind of visual.

weeds

great friggin show, man.