Theft

Friday I was walking my boys. This is totally my favorite part of every day. The spiritual bond you feel with an animal you love while you're walking as part of a pack is almost tangible. Every now and then, WD will nuzzle my hand with his nose. Just sort of checking on me. At the beach this summer, he did that to JC. She's part of his pack.
It was a beautiful spring day until a huge dog started to charge us. In the next millisecond, there was snarling, and my WD was on the ground yelping. I rarely feel helpless. I did in this moment. As I yelled and tried to pull my dog out from under the other he turned on LD, who was so much smaller. And then I moved. Not because I moved me. But because the other dog's owner moved me. Put his motherfucking hands on me and moved me. A. Man. Put. His. Hands. On. Me.

I come from a long line of men who put their hands on women. My mom was the first to choose to leave. She was confident and brave enough to get her shit and go. And she married my dad. Who knew that for no reason do you ever put your hands on a female. The man who taught her that some houses don't hold secrets and violence and hate. And I learned that no man ever touched me.

Until Friday. When a cop, who isn't man enough to handle his dog, grabbed me and shoved me. If I weren't so fairly strong (and already in a warrior like stance to hold my dogs and pull) I would have gone down. Who knows what might have happened if that had happened.

Now, the dog who has issues with men who he thinks might hurt his girl, has seen a man put his hands on her. His fears have been validated. And his girl never did trust cops, because she saw one shoot her friend in the head (and for many other ugly reasons). That girl will never trust cops.* Because instead of serving and protecting, he put his hands on her. Put her in more danger. And yelled at her to get her dogs. Even though she had hers on a leash.

In the end sweet WD, has a cut ear and leg and a busted ego. And because this sorry excuse for a man is a cop, I can't tell anyone. This man has made me be that woman. I had a man touch me and I let it go. I let it go because I was afraid of the repercussions.

Not to mention that I was afraid to walk my dogs. A week ago I watched my cat twitch and writhe in her crate as we rushed her to the emergency vet, to have her die. Of old age no doubt, but it wasn't pretty. Friday I watched a bigger dog throw down mine and bite on him savagely as WD looked up at me confused. Fucked with my head a little bit it did.

But I'm no punk. Face my fears and all that. So I leashed up the boys and walked the next day. Angry and afraid. I told myself that I was being silly. This was a once in a lifetime thing. Besides. My best part of my day is walking with these boys. The jingle of their tags. The rhythm of our walk. The fresh air. The joy of not doing anything else. Taking care of something that needs me. Being with something I need.

And then it happened again today. Walking past this house (which is required to go on a walk of any length in my neighborhood) the door opened to let in a visitor and here came that dog charging at mine again. He grabbed hold of little dog's tail. But this time TB was there and got in between the two of them until the owner drug the dog off.

No lie. I was not in best form. I was for all intensive purposes, hysterical. Screaming things like, "what the fuck is wrong with you people???" and "yeah, you're sorry!!!" Totally hysterical, really. Ready to fight. Not only because her dog attacked me a second time and her husband pushed me. But, because of what these people have taken away from me. I can no longer say things like, "no man puts his hands on me" because one has. I now look like the hood rat I am to all my neighbors as twice in four days I have stood screaming profanities on the sidewalk. I am too intimidated by what trouble I might find if I piss off a cop (who clearly isn't too ethical or level headed) to do the right thing. And now. If I want my dogs to be safe, I can't walk them in our neighborhood, because these people can't even keep their dog in their own house. This family has taken the best part of my day. And ladies and gentlemen... I have worked really, fucking hard to live in a neighborhood where I can walk and feel safe. And these people took it away.

*please don't try to convince me some cops are good... i'm sure there might be a few.... but frankly, i don't want to hear it.