Yawn

So. New Year's Eve post. This could tell you a lot about me I suppose. Its 8:41 on New Year's Eve and the only reason that I'm not in bed is because I have a pot of pinto beans on the stove so that I can make veggie burgers tomorrow.
You could conclude that I am lame and don't have plans. But even in my wild, 'you let me study till 11:00 then I'll clean up and meet you at the club' doctoral days that often enough that it didn't make for a legendary night wound up with someone in my group getting kicked out by the cops and once a senior in a leather thong and hard hat with suspenders I didn't usually go out New Year's Eve. Its one of my issues that could go a couple of posts lower. I don't like organized holidays. I don't like to go to church the few days that most people do haul their goods out of bed (Easter, Christmas, Mother's Day), and I don't like traditional reasons to party.
And no lie these days I don't party a lot. In a way its odd. I love to get cleaned up for the evening. Decide what part of me I am going to be. City-fied girl with some class in a high end blouse or sweater? Tattooed hood rat's girl with smokey eyes that are too overly made up (let's not kid ourselves people... I like make up). More often than not, tattooed hood wins out. I'm good at it and it works well in the dives I frequent. I don't think I'm too old and I love to dance. But given my friends, our spots, and our fun... these night often end with some bullshit. And I've worked pretty hard to weed that out.
In all honesty what keeps me in bed these days is a ridiculous work schedule, my efforts to eat a mostly plant based-whole food-unprocessed diet, and the fact that about 3 days a week I am up at 4:40 am to go Crossfit. I can lead this simple life, or shake my tail feathers.

And what Dr. Err does this have do to with any-damn-thing? Be real, Err... we all know you're just trying to kill time while your pinto beans cook....

I suppose it brings me to my end of year post. The highlights include a long, long walk down the beach on a stormy day with two black dogs who don't like each other and two girls who love each other and each other's black dogs. Deciding that Ben Franklin is maybe evil and eating a whole day's meals in bed in a fancy hotel room. Finding a yoga studio that is not fun, but healing for my body. Finding a Kraw Maga (Israeli street fighting) studio that also offers Crossfit classes which are good for my mind and my soul. 2 days holed up with my little furry family complete with one nap squeezed between 2 big dogs and a boy on a little double bed.
There was a flat ousting of me from a group I previously was right in the middle of. It was a weird, weird thing, but its ok and very likely good for all. There some horribleness. For me and for some folks I love enough that I swear I can feel a piece of their pain. But I am thankful everyday for my horribleness because I get through it and my people are getting through it. And we're getting through it together. And not everyone is that fortunate. Some people break and they break alone. Me and my people... we are some bendy mothers.
I look forward to 2010 more and more knowing that who I am is complicated and ok. I am more and more going off the whole food deep end. However I maintain that until I decide to go vegan and RAW.... that I'm coolio (except my beans just boiled way the hell over). I am looking forward to what I can learn about food and eating and health this year. I'm also looking forward to what seems to be an ever shrinking food bill (even with the amount of organic food we eat). I think my work schedule is freeing up just a wiggle. Enough that I'll be busy working and playing (playing for me is yoga, running, Crossfit and Krav (my favorite way to kick off a Saturday) with a peppering of Sunday hikes. Which will feel like working hard to play hard. Something I am totally ok with.
I struggle with balance sometimes. Work and play. Being a homebody and going out. Trying to do everything at once. Wanting to volunteer (like at Habitat) and feeling like I have to work all the days. This year I would like to achieve a better sense of balance. More time with friends. More quality time at home. I feel like I need to be more organized but at the same time, I think sometimes I am overly scheduled. I need more balance. I'm pretty good at tree and standing pigeon. You'd think I could work this out.
Perhaps at the equinox?